Top 5 sex moves we just made up!

As the ghostboner crew transcended upon their favorite eatery for beer and the best hot wings in the world. We knew that such a gathering meant there was work to be done. Work so devious the weak would shy away the very mention of it. Work so vile, so well kept in the depths of the mind that only one crew was capable of completing the task. Behold! The top 5 sex moves that we just plain made up.

1: The Post Master.- Must be performed in a moving vehicle, this is when the passenger takes control of the wheel and receives fellatio from the driver. Creating the image to oncoming motorists that he is driving... like a mail man.

2: The Sunday Gazette.- Possibly the most illegal of all the sex moves. and highly frowned upon by your neighbors. This is taking advantage of a pre-pubescent boy on a bicycle. Typically "helping" with laces caught in the chain.

3. The Duster.- This is simple and will inevitably happen to the best of us. This is performing oral sex on an elderly woman during the dry season.

4. The Maestro.- The Maestro is the most classy of all the new moves. It is receiving Fellatio while playing a musical instrument. You get 5 bonus points if it is a classical instrument, and the kazoo doesnt count.

5. There is a tie for 5th place
The Scorched Turf. Which is a sudden grab and yank of the Pubic hair. Typically without warning.

The Holy War. This is the proper nomenclature for Trading between orifices more than considered to be socially acceptable.

The Honorable Mention list.-
The Biloxi Trollyride
The Fortnight
The Burning Atlanta (same as the Flaming Amazon only with a different hat)
The Spruce Goose
The Jonas Salk
The #7
The Fantastic 4
The Ponce De Leon
The Lanky Nomad
The Happy Prospector
The Rosa Parks
The Innocent Bystander
The Conscientious Objector
The Black Tuesday
The Depth Charge
Pickle Nostalgia
The John Steinbeck's Of Mice And Men
The Fancy Feast
The Tahitian Treat
The Invincible Holocaust (passport required)
The Shattered Mosaic
The Wilford Brimley
The Wicked Game
and of course, The Breech Loader.

Cop steals xbox

Man those rented police uniforms and stolen car really paid off. Fable 2 is awesome.
By the way did anyone get a look at that TV. Im pretty sure you cant even hook an xbox up to it. next time I'll take those gold toofs too.

Worst idea ever.

Ok, so apparently one of the creators of UFC has been on some heavy hallucinogens. Or maybe he can just be persuaded to put his name on anything. Yes this is arm wrestling... to the MAXX!! apparently its pinfall, knockout, submission, or judges decision. its basically two guys holding hands and fighting as if one was trying to steal the others purse.

How about these cool new sports.
1. Demolition derby where the cars are welded together in pairs.
(id actually watch that now that i think about it... but just because i love welding)

2. Midget volleyball. but with a standard sized net.

3. Sexual sumo, where the idea is to lure the opponent into the circle rather than force them out. Better practice my longing stare.

4. 3 legged extreme racing. you know with obstacles like land mines and broken bottles. ooh and dirty syringes.

Feast: by edwin snickers

Let it be known that henceforth all cinematic adventures shall be made by snickers.

"Meh" Added to Dictionary

Apathy news?... who cares?

Yahoo news reports:

The expression of indifference or boredom has gained a place in the Collins English Dictionary after generating a surprising amount of enthusiasm among lexicographers.

The origins of "meh" are murky, but the term grew in popularity after being used in a 2001 episode of "The Simpsons" in which Homer suggests a day trip to his children Bart and Lisa.

The dictionary defines "meh" as an expression of indifference or boredom, or an adjective meaning mediocre or boring. Examples given by the dictionary include "the Canadian election was so meh."

Canada has elections? I always thought they just took turns deciding things or some other idealistic nonsense system of government. Plus I heard they came up with a submarine with a screen door, hosers!

UFC 91: The New Age of Cock Chestnar

The big guy with the penis on his chest won.

I guess hitting Randy in the head with a truck is his Kryptonite or Communism or whatever Captain America's weakness was, I don't remember. The behemoth known as Cock Chestnar knocked The Natural down with a powerful, well placed blow from his redwood with knuckles, and then proceeded to administer more hammer-fists than a back alley in Tijuana. Some people will most likely claim that Randy Couture is too old, I say that on that day the man was too human. Finally, Brock has a belt to go with his pearl necklace.


... Also, these two guys kissed.

Though, at first, it may seem that it was an accident, anyone who claims such nonsense is clearly homophobic. The ancient Greeks knew the feelings that grow inside a man after engaging in physical combat with another man. Let's not set the human race back thousands of years by denying the beauty and innocence behind this bold display of affection between two fags.

Chicken: the revelation.

For years the world was satisfied with regular old chicken. Then came fried chicken. then came chicken fingers. Then came buffalo wings. This snowball effect of chicken evolution has no plans on stopping now. Not with a revolutionary new theory that we here at ghostboner have been hard at work in the lab creating.
The idea came when a spaniard working in the local wendys drive through kept repeating the phrase "spicy chickens" to himself as we were in line waiting on spicy nuggets. I dont know if he was just trying to remember something or perhaps a prophet of chickens sent to hypnotize me with the phrase "spicy chickens" We laughed it off and drove away. But the seed had already been sewn in my subconcious, making me wonder. What if?
What if using the method popular for dying baby chickens purple when still in the egg could be taken a step further. In the a dye is injected before the egg hardens and turns the feathers colors for easter.Why does it have to be dye? there is no long term gain from this. The feathers just fall out and you are left stuck with a large cock... sorry cant resist a good dick joke. What if the chicken were injected with hot sauge, allowing the embryo to feed off of the hot sauce laden supply contained within the egg. Will this chicken be a spicy chicken? Will it be red? We all know it will have a bad attitude. I imagine he would look something like this, and taste delicious.Stay tuned as one day this will be attempted. hopefully here in the ghostboner labratory.

Great moments of inspiration.

There are time when inspiration comes from the most unforeseen of places. Some inspirations date far enough back that it almost becomes a case of what came first ala chicken or the egg. So we have created 2 timelines of a similar process with different consumer goods.

HONEY
1: Product in natural form.

2: Empty container, looks like suitable means of containment.

3: The prefect fit. Bear + Honey = success.

VS. HEROIN
1: Product in natural form.

2: Empty soul of a container, looks like suitable means of containment.

3: The prefect fit. Heroin + empty human = success.

So which came first the honey mule or the drug mule?
The world may never know.

Seth Petruzelli's Halloween Costume

He better be careful or Kimbo might kick his... oh yeah right, nevermind.