Kimbo Slice to Take on Ken Shamrock

You read the title, so you know what's going on. This debacle is set to go down on October 4th on CBS. Shamrock is more washed up than a 19 year old Thai hooker. The guy hasn't won a fight since 2004, and hasn't beat a credible opponent since Dan Severn in 1995. Kimbo...don't get me started, otherwise the NAACP may very well unleash their throng of lawyers on my ass. Let it suffice to say that James Thompson, a man with some serious holes in his game, exposed some pretty serious holes in Kimbo's game. I don't give a shit who wins this fight. I'll watch the damn thing because it's free, but that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it. I'd rather watch koala bears fight. As a matter of fact...

I Screwed the Pooch

A couple of days ago, I posted a video of a guy knocking out some jackass that was twirling around the ring like the Queen of all Fairies. It's been brought to my attention that this video is from the movie Never Back Down. I don't know why I thought it was a real fight. This may come as a surprise to some of you, but I drink...lots. All I know is that if you know that the clip is from that movie, I'm way less gay than you. Now we could have just deleted the post and pretended none of this happened, but we're accountable to both of our fans. Here's some boobs. Let's just move past this.

Ghost Boner Classic: Skeletor V. Beastman

Enjoy this classic video from Brandon Dicamillo, psychopath partly responsible for bringing you Jackass.

Holy Reach-Around!

Jesus would give you a reach-around, you know, if he were fucking you in the ass at the time. If this doesn't get us some hate mail, then I don't understand the point of organized religion.

"I think we are dead... time is going by really really really really slowly."

People are laughing, but I am concerned: how slow is time going by? Is this guy faster than everyone else? Or is it like he is in slow motion and everyone else is normal speed? There just isn't enough information given, I mean this guy is a cop he should understand the important details necessary in a 9-1-1 call. All of this is really confusing and unprofessional... the lady doesn't know if she should send an EMT, a coroner, or Jean Claude Van Damme from Timecop.

What the Fuck?

This type of art is apparently called "Macrophile" art. Its made by a guy named gideon, I bet he's normal, you know aside from drawing horse men with six foot penises. I found it shortly after stating out loud that I was probing the outer fringe of weird shit on the internet. You be the judge: did I find it?

The Mustache: Friend or Foe?

"The Stash" is an extremely difficult piece of facial hair to sport well, here are the top five best ever...














5.Hulk Hogan




Iconic 'stash, he has always had it, which is pretty much a must for this list. Bonus points for it being blonde and technically a fu-manchu which is the only type of mustache tough enough for a man named "Hulk"






4.George Parros



Total badass with the flair and upper lip decor of a Spanish Conquistador. Quetzalcoatl wouldn't stand a chance against this guys bare knuckle on-ice antics, and a stash that would make a young Ron Jeremy jealous.



3.Burt Reynolds




Burt Reynolds is either having sex with a model, driving an expensive sports car, or both, at all times. All of the credit for his lifestyle goes to his upper lip resident.





2.Tom Selleck




Now there is some lip fuzz! This man's stash has the power to command armies, disintegrate hymens, and bring men and women to their knees. This is the mustache that made Ferrari a household name. Tom Selleck's mustache is the reason you don't see the mustache that often, it simply sets the bar too high.




1.Sam Elliot

God is jealous of this mustache. There are entire religions based upon this man's facial hair. If everyone's father had a mustache with this much authority, there would be no gay people.

Ghost Boner Classic: True Hollywood Story: Prince

Enjoy this classic skit from The Chapelle Show. This video is very hard to track down due to copyright stuff from comedy central, so sorry if it goes down. In my opinion this one is way better than the famous Rick James skit.

NARP!

Live Action Role Playing, or as its alternatively known the nerdiest thing ever done, ever. Being identified in the following video is the same as getting a vasectomy, you will never reproduce.

Can you believe there are people out there who are acting out world of warcraft and dungeons and dragons? There people are by definition un-athletic and watching them flail around and screech in puberty nerd voices is extremely entertaining. I just want to beat them up and steal their lunch money.