MMA Moments Captured in MS Paint

See if you can name them all!

(hint)

(hint)

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- from cagepotato.com

K-Flow

If you look closely you can see a small quantity of urine escape out of the bottom of Florian's shorts. What people don't know is fighters are like astronauts or race car drivers, they have all that gear on and they have been strapped in for hours with no bathroom, so when the need arises they just have to go. That or BJ hit him with some kind of high level Ju-jitsu move that made him pee.

Edith Leaves the UFC

MMA Fanhouse:

Brace yourselves, Octagon girl fans, because the Edith Labelle era is officially over.

FanHouse has learned that the Montreal native is no longer working for the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Labelle could not be reached for comment, but her manager, James Leinhos, confirmed the news with FanHouse on Thursday.

"Something happened," Leinhos said, "but at this time, I can only confirm that Edith no longer works for the UFC."

Labelle will be replaced by new Octagon Girl, Natasha Wicks. Wicks won the Maxim Magazine Octagon Girl search during UFC 100 weekend in July...

 

Fedor vs Dana

He must be trying to make enough money to change his mane to Fedor E-BILLION-enko.

Aoki, Me Rikey Your Skirta

Cage Potato:

How does one say "no homo" in Japanese? Shinya "Tobikan Judan" Aoki and Masakazu "Ashikan Judan" Imanari showed up to a recent media grappling session in costume for some reason, with Aoki dressed as a schoolgirl and his Nippon Top Team homeboy as some sort of lecherous gym teacher. Sources tell CagePotato that Imanari had originally planned to go as a tentacle monster, but thought it would be too subtle. Enjoy the pics...?

After these pictures the two had gay gym teacher fantasy sex...Aoki cried afterwards, Aoki always cries.

UFC 96: A Gift From The Man Himself

If the Octagon looks a bit more ethereal than normal, I assure you it is with good reason...

This was my view from the complimentary seats given to my friends and I last night for UFC 96 held in suddenly sunny Columbus, Ohio. Dana White, a man whose Santa Claus-like streak of generosity and jovial spirit started years ago when he purchased the UFC and made it into the entertainment Juggernaut that it is today, saw fit in his infinite wisdom to bestow some free tickets to my good friend, a humble local pub proprietor. Fireworks, trumpets, panties dropped, simultaneously...

We at the Boner have been big fans for years, we have dutifully hosted every UFC Pay-per view without fail for a long time now, never asking for anything in exchange, but receiving one greatly appreciated token of reciprocity last night in the form of absolutely free attendance to the event.

Dana White was apparently a huge fan of said local establishment spending back to back nights there. He spent the entire night talking attentively to any and all fans that approached him. He made numerous comments on his approval and gratitude towards the staff. Besides his monetary generosity he also saw fit to give away tickets to the event, one of which found its way into my hands. I can't say enough how great this guy is and how amazing the event was.

There were some definite highlights, fight-wise, of the evening. Kendall Grove's impressive knockout victory, Matt Brown showing restraint in not murdering Pete "Drago" Sell after Yves Levigne performed one of the more awkward stoppages I have ever seen. And, of course, the battle between Rampage and Jardine. Lets just say he earned enough of my respect to not refer to him as a bridge troll here(oops).


In other news: The Blue Jackets beat the Redwings 8-2 breaking a number of franchise records including margin of victory, and Rick "Chili" Nash scored his second hat-trick of the season against the wings. Yay, local sports team!

Joe Rogan Knows All and Sees All

This is why Joe Rogan is the perfect fit for an MMA commentator, even in his "foggiest" of moments he managed to call this fight correctly. Apparently he also enjoys watching TV in someone's basement rape-room.

Diaz vs. Alvarez

During EliteXC's broadcast on CBS last night they confirmed that the rumored lightweight title bout between Eddie Alvarez and Nickk Diaz is going to take place on November 8th. If you don't spend all your free time trying to find MMA to watch like I do, then you may have missed Alvarez's run through the Dream Lightweight Grand Prix earlier this year. He put on a couple of the best fights this year, but had to watch an alternate fight for the title after sustaining a cut during his semifinal victory over Tatsuya Kawajiri. This dude is a legit bad ass, unlike Diaz, who is a loud mouthed hoodrat that likes to pick fights with old men. I don't know what Diaz did to me, but I harbor a serious grudge. I love to see him lose. I enjoy watching his little brother lose. Alvarez is gonna put a serious beat down on Diaz and I'm gonna love seeing it happen.

Kimbo Slice Is The Best Fighter Ever...

Tonight Kimbo Slice was supposed to take on Ken Shamrock, a washed up "legend", who hasn't won a fight since 2004. Ken cut his eye(in warm ups no less, who does that), and was deemed medically unfit to fight. In stepped Seth Petruzelli, a journeyman who most people felt would leave the cage on a stretcher. Petruzelli apparently didn't get the memo...

P.S. I've been calling Kimbo a joke since the beginning. I'm really smart.

Staredown Goes Bad/Good... Depending

This is like the sequel to the famous staredown knockout by Heath Herring(below).
There are only two possible outcomes when a guy plants one on the other guy in the staredown and here they both are. Its either knock out or make out, but either way you have to call his bluff.

Ref Choke Slams A Fighter

No matter what you think at the time, nothing good can come from fighting the ref.

Sometimes you gotta Choke a Bitch

MMA Girls Joanne Is Choked Unconscious | UFC | SPIKE.com

Anatomy of a Badass

Last night saw the premier of the new season of The Ultimate Fighter on Spike. There were some impressive fighters (Krzysztof Soszynski, Dave Kaplan) and not so impressive fighters (Lance Evans). Phillipe Nover Fainted at the sight of Dana White, but made up for that extremely embarrassing moment by handling his opponent well and finishings with a rear-naked choke.

The real stand out at 155 this year is Junie Browning (MySpace)
From his Anarchy emblazoned foot to his Hand Grenade hand tattoo, this guy is mean looking. He is cocky as shit, but in a good way, "He has a better chance of getting me pregnant (than beating me)." He is extremely talented on the ground: he asked Dana to request the means of victory during the tryouts for TUF, and delivered the requisite triangle in style. Junie "The Lunatik" Browning is my pick to win it all at 155.

Affliction "Postpones" October Event, Dana White Pollutes Shorts With Glee

Dana White recently foretold that Affliction would be out of business by January. Looks like he may have been a little conservative in that estimate. Their October show, featuring Andrei Arlovski vs Josh Barnett, was postponed until...well, I guess they didn't give a new date. The best part of the whole deal is that they didn't bother to tell Andrei Arlovski. His management found out about it when sherdog.com contacted them for a comment. I'm actually kind of sad about this, but apparently trying to butt heads with the UFC is a pretty terrible idea. I just hope that White softens his "nobody gives a shit about Josh Barnett" stance after Affliction folds for good. I suppose the best news is that this brings us a couple of months closer to the UFC's next attempt sign Fedor, which will bring Couture vs Fedor that much closer to being a reality.

International MMA Nipple Tweaking Conspiracy

A few weeks ago we posted an incriminating gif of Georges St Pierre fooling around with his nipples before a fight. While this was slightly alarming, we thought it was an isolated incident until...

I think it's too early to label this phenomenon industry wide. Originally we thought that St Pierre was doing this as an expression of his thinly veiled homosexuality, but Evans has a wife. If you watched his fight with Chuck Liddell, you no doubt heard her screaming like a banshee when he KO'ed Chuck. I've considered the facts, and I've arrived at this conclusion...Greg Jackson is building life-like androids and sending them in the place of the fighters he "trains". The nipples are dials that they use to change their behavior programming. They twist the nipples and go from Normal Mode to Killing Machine Mode, and it's on. Jackson and his fighters are cashing in without doing shit. Well, I guess they're designing and building sophisticated robots, but that doesn't sound too hard. Think about it, and it all makes sense.

Couture Vs. Lesnar: November 15th

Sherdog reported yesterday:

Six-time UFC champion Randy Couture will return to the Octagon this November, ending an 11-month legal battle with the promotion he’s called his home for the last 11 years.

A previously announced bout between UFC interim heavyweight champion Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Frank Mir scheduled for December will determine the next contender for the UFC heavyweight crown, said White. White described the scenario as a “heavyweight tournament.”

Under the new agreement, the UFC will also attempt to lock down a bout between Couture and No. 1 ranked heavyweight Fedor Emelianenko in 2009. The highly anticipated bout has been heralded as the fight of the decade.

We’re gonna do everything we can to make that fight happen,” said White.

First off, let me just say Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeessss!. There is so much that is amazing about this announcement: Couture back, Heavyweight Tourney, One step closer to Best Fight Ever.

Little known fact: Lesnar had to a have special, larger than anyone else, pair of gloves made for his first fight versus Frank Mir. I predict he should have a special over-sized bodybag made, because "The Natural" is hungry and that giant does not have the experience to hang with the best Heavyweight in UFC history.

Guard Passing 101

I don't see what the big deal is, passing guard is just this easy. I predict when this information gets out, it revolutionizes MMA and completely removes the ground game from the sport.

Kimbo Slice to Take on Ken Shamrock

You read the title, so you know what's going on. This debacle is set to go down on October 4th on CBS. Shamrock is more washed up than a 19 year old Thai hooker. The guy hasn't won a fight since 2004, and hasn't beat a credible opponent since Dan Severn in 1995. Kimbo...don't get me started, otherwise the NAACP may very well unleash their throng of lawyers on my ass. Let it suffice to say that James Thompson, a man with some serious holes in his game, exposed some pretty serious holes in Kimbo's game. I don't give a shit who wins this fight. I'll watch the damn thing because it's free, but that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it. I'd rather watch koala bears fight. As a matter of fact...

Georges St. Pierre loves nipple play, man-boy

It has recently come to our attention here at Ghost Boner that the general MMA watching public is unaware of the special relationship between The UFC Welterwight Division Champion and the mysterious man, whom we at the Boner refer to simply as "Geoffrey". There is much talk/speculation about the true nature of this relationship. Now, I like to think of it in the context of ancient Greece. GSP is a proud and much decorated warrior, who happens to have a tender, sexually intimate relationship with a strapping young training partner. Its society's problem, man. Why won't you let them live their lives and be happy?

Geoffrey can most often be seen assisting GSP in awkwardly homo-erotic stretching before all of his fights. His greatest public contribution, however, is the ritualistic post-fight victory run around the ring. In this display, the Gallant GSP gallops around the ring to the deafening cheers of the crowd, atop his man-steed, his ebony equine, his black stallion, his homosexual lover, Geoffrey.

Geoffrey has no doubt been on the receiving end of this move.

Bas Rutten is Completely Insane

Bas Rutten is an MMA legend...and a possible sociopath with a deep love of the nut shot.