Yay! Marisa Miller Week!: Day 3

Yay! Marisa Miller Week!: Day 2

Suck It NFL

Two years ago the NFL fined Bengal's receiver Chad Johnson $5000 for wearing a name tag the read "Ocho Cinco" on his jersey during pregame warm ups. Chad decided to spend this off season legally changing his name to Chad Javon Ocho Cinco. Now the NFL has to allow him to wear the name. He's also listed as Chad Ocho Cinco on the Bengal's official website...and the NFL's website. Serves them right for having no sense of humor. It was during warm ups. That's just plain ridiculous. Warm ups, dude. I really applaud Chad's commitment to this joke. I realize that this may only be funny to me. If so, I apologize. Keep reading though, there's boobs under this post.

Yay! Marisa Miller Week!: Day 1

We here at The Boner have declared it Marisa Miller Week! For the next seven days you can expect to find pictures of God's greatest achievement. ...and on the seventh day... Boobies! I know it would be a clever trick to genetically engineer a swimsuit model without nipples to increase the angles and provocative nature of the photos (not to mention the savings on air brushing), but I can assure you that they built this one with all the standard equipment.

Note: Marisa Miller Week is in no way a response to the alleged "Homosexual Articles" which have recently appeared on this website.

Can you have sex with a man and not be gay?

I know how our fan thinks. You lay in bed at night and wonder if you are gay. What does it feel like to have sex with or be sexed by a guy? We at The Boner want to help you by outlining the ways that two men can have sex and not be gay...

Twins - If you are one-half of post-separation previously conjoined twins. At this point it is possible to have sex with yourself, because it is technically masturbation. If you are a non-conjoined twin, and you engage in sexual activities with your same sex twin you are gay, sorry but you are.

Tom Selleck - Tom Selleck can have sex with you, and he won't be gay. But if you have sex with him, you are gay, and his overpowering masculinity will steal all of your remaining straightness. You cannot pitch to Tom Selleck, because Tom Selleck simply cannot catch.

Desperation - After exhausting all possibilities of coitus involving the opposite sex, you simply turn to homosexual activity as the only foreseeable means of copulation. The key to this one is the wording: you must have exhausted and I mean exhausted ALL other options. This includes: sheep, plastic persons, ugly sheep, couch cushions with bologna inserted, baked goods, questionably underage individuals, UNquestionably underage individuals, and fried foods.

If you are dressed as a super hero.

Intervention - In an attempt to turn a gay person straight it is possible to fuck another man without becoming gay yourself. But, only if the sex is bad.

Accidental fucking - It is possible to accidentally penetrate or be penetrated by an otherwise straight man and remain straight. E.g. Two amputees are enjoying a frozen custard. One man has no arms, the other has no legs. The man with no legs is seated and feeding the man with no arms, when, inevitably the custard begins to drip. The armless man licks the custard hurriedly and lightly grazes the legless man's fingers with his tongue. Which sprouts the beginning of an erection in the legless man's pants which have their empty leg fabric buttoned underneath. This state slowly forces said pants off of the legless man and on to the floor. Startled, the legless man quickly attempts to pull his pants back on, and in doing so, drops the custard... into his own lap. This sets the armless man off-balance, and having no arms to steady himself he falls ass-backwards, as it were, onto the legless man's erect and custard lubricated penis, thusly penetrating the armless man. This situation is obviously not gay.

Couture Vs. Lesnar: November 15th

Sherdog reported yesterday:

Six-time UFC champion Randy Couture will return to the Octagon this November, ending an 11-month legal battle with the promotion he’s called his home for the last 11 years.

A previously announced bout between UFC interim heavyweight champion Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira and Frank Mir scheduled for December will determine the next contender for the UFC heavyweight crown, said White. White described the scenario as a “heavyweight tournament.”

Under the new agreement, the UFC will also attempt to lock down a bout between Couture and No. 1 ranked heavyweight Fedor Emelianenko in 2009. The highly anticipated bout has been heralded as the fight of the decade.

We’re gonna do everything we can to make that fight happen,” said White.

First off, let me just say Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeessss!. There is so much that is amazing about this announcement: Couture back, Heavyweight Tourney, One step closer to Best Fight Ever.

Little known fact: Lesnar had to a have special, larger than anyone else, pair of gloves made for his first fight versus Frank Mir. I predict he should have a special over-sized bodybag made, because "The Natural" is hungry and that giant does not have the experience to hang with the best Heavyweight in UFC history.

7 Pound Dildo Fight

From now on when I hear the phrase, "Eat a dick!", I will picture this video.

Guard Passing 101

I don't see what the big deal is, passing guard is just this easy. I predict when this information gets out, it revolutionizes MMA and completely removes the ground game from the sport.

Todd Weeks

This man lives at:
7972 Council Road
Lewistown, OH 43333

I know this, because Todd knows this.
His videos are for sale on his website: www.toddweeksmovies.com
Under "Contact Info" on his website:

Contact Info:

If you want to talk to Todd Weeks,

you must send your phone number

in the mail.

I have free long distance, and

I will call you. I enjoy talking

on the phone.

Don't bother sending emails,

they go to another company,

and don't get read.

They are discarded.

I don't own a computer.

Something tells me he is 100% serious... at all times.


P.S. Todd doesn't own a computer so he doesn't realize you can use it to find anyone's phone number: (937) 686-8055.

You Ain't Got No Alibi

These are the ugliest people on the internet, in no particular order.









Bonus Game: The first person to successfully masturbate to any of these photos wins a free Ghost Boner T-shirt. Post your entries in the "Comments" section. Let the games begin!!